The Billy Grahams have never been good at scandal. It’s just not their forte. In recent weeks they’ve cooked up their own family-style dust-up but it’s remarkable how tame the whole thing is, especially in a year where evangelicals have done far more spectacular things.

The Washington Post revealed that Franklin Graham, he of the Iraq-war-supporting and father-succeeding, wants his parents to be buried on the grounds of the ministry campus he’s building. Well, specifically, he wants Ruth Graham there since it seems like she’s the closer of the two to the pearly gates. Ruth wants nothing of the sort — according to the article, she has a spot picked out in the mountains and she has no interest in being an attraction at Franklin’s theme park. OK, it’s a library, but still — it’s being created as a tourist attraction, and can you imagine all the Protestant pilgrims dutifully parading down the garden path to prostrate at the graves of dead evangelists. (This is where people in my family would say something like, “That’s so Catholic!”)

A lot of progressive evangelicals (for real, sometimes you can put those two words together!) are withdrawing from Franklin Graham and this is likely to only hasten that process.

As some of you know, I work at a magazine. Here is an excerpt of an article a friend of mine wrote, “reviewing” the Franklin Graham Festival that came through town a few weeks ago for the upcoming issue. I share it with you now.

An obviously horrified Jon Schledewitz arrives to take pictures for Uptown just as Newsboys lead singer John James (real name) begins to lead a cheer usually only heard at international hockey matches: “CAN-A-DA! CAN-A-DA!” thousands of voices cry out. Geoff and I both have the look of fear. Finally after a relentless evangelical seizure song by John James, the Newsboys are finished. The legion of screaming Jesus children fall quiet and walk like zombies to sit in perfectly ordered rows at the back of the floor. After a couple of hymns led by the Tommy Coomes Band with Tommy Walker, it’s time for the main event. Sporting a Harley Davidson motorcycle jacket and a resolute smile, Franklin Graham takes the stage and is immediately attacked by a yellow jacket. (Go wasps!) The preacher quickly kills the insect with a [copy of the Winnipeg] Free Press and then starts preaching some of his classic tunes. “Abortion is Murder” and “Homosexuality is a Sin” garner relatively little applause. Then he starts inviting those who have sinned to come up to and repent so Jesus can give them a sponge bath and wash their souls squeaky clean. Schledewitz follows a few of them only to be stopped by Graham security. We’re not so daring to get more tape. By now, our recorder is out of juice and there would be no point. I’ve had enough from the man who, on previous occasions, wanted to nuke Afghanistan and called Islam an evil and wicked religion. “He’s giving Jesus a bad name,” I tell Geoff as we quietly exit out into the streets. God bless reality.

… I will be forced to take action. And not the kind they were hoping for.